By Laiba Zainab

The only positive thing to come out of an extremely misogynist session on Twitter Space recently was people using the platform to host their own sessions.

Misogynist spaces, both in real and virtual spaces, can adversely impact one’s mental health. However, it’s also helped create online spaces where people can just enjoy themselves.

For example, I never thought I’d find myself in a space teaching people how to flirt publicly. In all honesty “teaching” is just a ruse; I’ve forgotten the number of men I’ve met who don’t know how to flirt, how to talk to women, how to understand and respect boundaries. Consent is a whole different subject. A lot of the same men miss the signals from women – whether it’s their interest, disinterest and discomfort. The ignorance shocks me.

Unfortunately, men, especially South Asians, are intimidated by women who know the subtle art of flirting. Either they don’t reciprocate or they try to slut shame the women who flirts or flirts back. Very few men can take it in their stride when they encounter a woman with confidence. In a way, flirting is a game which requires skills and concentration because the moment you miss a hint, you miss the opportunity. You may lose the chance to try again since the objection of your affection has moved on.

While there is no guidebook, we can together learn from it and this is what my role was in recent Twitter Spaces sessions I participated in.

A lot of the men in these sessions were quite shocked to learn a girl can make a move. I encourage being creative when flirting back. Creativity is likely to pique one’s interest and is likely to get a conversation going. If you want to initiate the flirting, start with a compliment. You don’t need to be direct; subtlety is a better approach. Don’t say “you’re beautiful” instead focus on the details, compliment their outfit, earrings, shoes, even nail paint.

Whatever you do, be sure the person you're flirting with is not feeling uncomfortable. Their comfort level should be your utmost priority. It always starts with consent.

What started as fun has become my identity – the girl who teaches you how to flirt.

To continue in that vein, you should understand how women in South Asia are taught since childhood to suppress their emotions, feelings, even their laughter. They need to be “Sati Savitris” and not “Slutty Savitris”. Due to this conditioning it becomes extremely difficult for women to reciprocate when someone is flirting, even if they want to.

Slut shaming is a lived reality. Every day we are silenced, our dressing, our way of walking, our way of talking, our way of laughing, our entire existence is censored and scrutinized all the time. This is one of the reasons why women hesitate to talk or even reciprocate anything.

This, however, should not be confused with the notion that “Larki ki khamoshi aur inkar mein haan hai” (a woman’s silence is her consent). This concept should be left in the 1980s and 1990s. We are in 2021. A woman who makes the first move is not a slut. You should be thankful they consider you eligible enough to flirt with. Don’t make her regret her decision because that might lead her to shutting down forever.

To the detractors who say the environment of MeToo time has frightened men who fear for their reputation: I call BS on this. Men have to understand boundaries and know that the moment you make anyone uncomfortable, it constitutes harassment.

If men can use the internet to watch porn, send random women inappropriate pictures, they can use the same internet to understand consent and drawing the line on subtle flirting and downright harassment.

Hope this clears the air and allows you to flirt in a healthy way.

The writer is a digital journalist and tweets at @Laiba_Zainab