Ryan Arnold, 46, recalls a company holiday party more than 20 years ago at a dive bar, where coworkers passed around a tall glass boot of beer and the office manager sang ‘80s ballads between whiskey shots.

“When can I leave?” he thought. Today, Arnold, who describes himself as socially anxious, carefully considers whether to attend any group gathering.

Experts say this is a common dilemma for introverts, shy individuals, and those with social anxiety.

The pressure to be cheerful and mingle can feel overwhelming, particularly at office events.

“Some people are just not party people,” said Laura MacLeod, a social work professor at City University of New York.

“With a workplace holiday party, there’s pressure to be very happy and excited. And maybe people are not really feeling that grand.”

Therapists offer practical tips to help socially anxious people navigate holiday gatherings:

Dress comfortably: Choose attire that makes you feel at ease rather than following rigid party norms.

Arrive early: Smaller crowds make interactions easier, and positioning yourself near the centre helps join conversations naturally.

Keep it short: It’s fine to attend briefly and leave, letting yourself say, “I just wanted to wish everyone happy holidays.”

Plan talking points: Prepare questions or topics to discuss, and keep conversations light to avoid stress.

Handle awkward silences: A pause is natural and doesn’t have to be filled with forced chatter.

Find allies: Seek out colleagues with shared interests or bring a friend for support.

Carla Pruitt, 44, who works remotely, says she feels more comfortable attending company events when her husband accompanies her, and she can hire a babysitter.

“I can talk about my dog all day,” she said, highlighting the importance of finding like-minded attendees.

Therapists emphasise that attendance doesn’t have to mean discomfort.

“It’s possible to feel anxious and still do things,” said psychologist Andrea Taylor. “Once we do that, we often feel a sense of accomplishment.”

For Arnold, large gatherings remain draining. As the owner of a PR firm, he selectively attends events based on personal goals.

“I would, nine times out of 10, much rather hang with my books and my wife,” he said.